Friday, 13 March 2020

Battle Arena Toshinden URA - Ultimate Rancid Anus

What do you get when you take an already made sequel to a mediocre (at best) game and jackhammer it into a completely different system than intended? You get a product that looks like it was hastily put together by lego knockoffs. Battle Arena Toshinden URA was meant to be a Sega Saturn release that veered away from the ongoing plot of the main series. Why? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? It’s well known that the Saturn has a completely different operating system than the Playstation, so it’s obvious that they would need to take a different route in its creation.

But, for real, Takara… WHY!? Why would you do this? One single look at this game and your heart will sink. Even if you don’t care all that much about the first one, you still made an effort to get this game in some capacity. Whether it be by money or whatever else, you still spent time to make this game playable and now you look at THIS! The character select screen is enough to cause you to scowl. It is ugly. I know graphics don’t mean everything, but this looks like vomit of the blockiest quality!
That’s not even talking about the gameplay. Oh, no. Those two paragraphs were just about the look and the history of this “game.” As soon as you get to your first match, everything gets much, much worse! The first game was saltine crackers, this game is stale wheat bread on the verge of growing blue fuzz. The controls are as alien as the story concept. The character models are far more half assed than the first and any attempt at any kind of strategy goes just about as well as the first game, if not worse.

You have to try to be this lazy with a game. The concepts of the first game were already shabby enough, but now, you don’t even have a story mode. Oh, no no no, no story what-so-ever is ever really shown. There is a story somewhere in here, and it’s about as nonsensical as you’d expect. You get 5 to 10 second cut scenes that show off their hot new bad guys. These bad guys are so bad, they’re cheap and spam attacks to a ridiculous degree. A big surprise coming from a game so nuanced as this.

So, yes, it’s that bad. It’s even worse than I could have expected, and I was expecting some bad stuff. Remix was no masterpiece, by any means, but it had merit in the ways of dumb fun. This has none of that. The voice clips during the fight sound far worse, and there isn’t even a story mode as a vehicle to show off the cheesy voice acting between characters. Playing the main game is equivalent to an arcade mode. So, with the new characters, you get no character at all, just new fighters. Trust me when I say it’s not worth it. This is definitely a front runner for the worst fighting game on the Sega Saturn!

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