Announcing the N64 Junkyard!

After months of thoughtful discussion and debate, myself, the Southern Sega Gentleman (Sam), Nebachadnezzar (Nuno), The Virtua Schlub (Brian) and Arugulaz (Jesse) have decided that we'd like to take the Junkyard ion a new direction... a Nintendo based direction.

Although all of us love the Saturn, it is really the second system in all of our hearts... it was always playing second fiddle to our true love, our true passion... the Nintendo 64. Possessing twice the juice of  the 32bit Saturn, Nintendo's powerhouse vastly exceeds Sega's effort in all areas... Let's take a look...

Power: As already mentioned, the N64 has a 64 bit system (Duh! It's in the name...) whereas Sega's effort only had 32 bits at it's disposal. Consequently, graphics, framerates, polygons and sprites (whatever they are) were all superior on the N64... The machine is just better. And it's made by Nintendo after all... the company that bought us the Virtual Boy and the Wii U. No Nintendo system has ever failed commercially. The N64 vastly outsold all other consoles of it's generation. especially in Japan.

Style: Just looking at these controllers tells you everything you need to know. The Saturn's controllers are small and can easily slip out of the hand whilst playing. Most people think these controllers produced by Sega, are amongst the worst ever made for a video-game system. The N64 controllers are ergonomically designed to stay in the hand. They also have an analogue stick...something NO Saturn controller has ever had. Plus, they come in funky colours.

 

Games: Whilst the Saturn had a lot of games that were good, the N64's library was vastly better. This is due to the fact that as everyone knows, the newer the system, the better the games. Plus a 64 bit system has more... erm... bits. Take Mario 64 for example... it's in 3D whereas Sonic's first 3D outing, "Sonic Adventure 2" didn't even appear on the Saturn. It was on the Dreamcast. Sega took a full console generation to catch up. In fact no Sonic game ever appeared on the system, which has irked all of us for a while. The N64 also pioneered First Person Shooters... Golden Eye being the best FPS ever made. There are no FPS games on the Saturn. RPGs are also missing from the library, whereas the N64 has both Zelda games... Ocarina of Time AND Majora's Mask.

Fan Demand: We're not the only ones that have had these thoughts... Many of the posters on the SJY Facebook page have called for the switch too. It seems many of us have harboured the desire to convert the Yard, to a shrine to Nintendo. So we've finally bowed to the pressure. From now on, we look forward to bringing you news, reviews and opinion on the best 64 Bit console ever!

Also check out the new video on our favorite N64 games on our YouTube channel:

The Winter Olympics are Heating Up on the Junkyard!

Screw the real Olympics! Experience all of the intense winter sports action with our exclusive virtual coverage!

The slopes are frigid but the competition is blistering hot! Tune in for our exclusive virtual Winter Games coverage presented by the Junkyard Sports Network (JYSN)! Our hosts Brian Schlubowski and SImon Krishnapolis will give you a front-row seat to today's action-packed events, including the Ski Jump, Aerials, and Speed Skiing. The real Olympics are rubbish compared to this and the big networks certainly can't rival our amazing(ly awful) production values! Don't miss it!

Featured game: Winter Heat on the Sega Saturn

Sega Saturn Saucepot Of The Month... December 2017!

Well not much to say about this month's saucepot. We don't know his name, or from whence he hails, in fact, we don't know anything about him. Now if I were Thomas Charnock, founder of the Dreamcast Junkyard, I would have used my powers of detection, to hunt him down across the world wide web.
But I'm not and I haven't. So we'll just call him the Saturn Muscle Man. Rumours that it might be Junkyard member and Sega Rally Master Alex Lieng, in the middle of one of his Triathlon training sessions, have neither been confirmed or denied.
So we'll let those rippling muscles speak for themselves! Next month back to the ladies!

Sega Saturn Saucepot Of The Month: November 2017!

A new month, so we couldn't let the opportunity for more Sega Saturn related sauciness pass us by. Our Halloween look at some of the Saturn 'cos-play' offerings  plastered unashamedly across the internet, got us fired up and in the mood for some more gaming-themed eye candy.

If we had to nominate one computer generated video-game character who has been sexualised more than any other, who has occupied the hormonally raging minds of many an adolescent boy (and even some grown men...) in short someone who has who has made desire synonymous with gaming, then that person would have to be Segata Sanshiro  Lara Croft.

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Saturn Junkyard Cosplay Awards 2017

Here at the Saturn Junkyard, we heartily approve of grown men and women making ridiculous video-game themed costumes, and then wearing them shamelessly around a comic-con or gaming expo, whilst bemused onlookers try desperately in vain to work out who they are supposed to be.

Whether you are a  beautifully healthy sun-tanned Bay Watch body-double, or have got to squeeze your cellulite riddled, pock-marked, flab into an ill fitting lycra leotard and leggings, using a shoehorn and a tub of lard, matters not!

It's entering into the spirit of the thing that's important! So to help you decide on your own Saturn themed costume for this year, we'll show you some of the efforts people have gone to in the past, for better or for worse... They all get the world famous Father Krishna seal of approval for having a go!

What I hadn't reckoned on, was the strange psychological associations and feelings, brought on by perusing these cos-play pictures. Why do subjects as diverse as creeping terror, Cilla Black, the Joker, the Russian Mafia, evil clowns and Frank Sidebottom come to mind when looking at a bunch of gaming characters? (If you have no idea who my Anglo-centric comparisons refer to, click on the links!)

Choose your favourite and identify it in the comment section, or save them to your device and throw them up on the Facebook page for anyone who has missed them!

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Halloween Video Treats: Five Creepy Clips To Help Celebrate The Season!

Sega Saturn Saucepot Of The Month... October 2017

As I said last month when I started this feature, this is not some sort of "boys only", misogynistic, perv-fest, but is in fact, an equal opportunities, gender inclusive, true appreciation of the pretend physical perfection, of non-existent characters, made up of sprites, polygons and magic.

So, to keep things balanced, and in a perfect Yin/Yang style harmony, it's time to select a male 'Saturn saucepot'.  I was thinking of using a real life human sex object, in the shape of one of the Saturn Junkyard's Facebook Page Admins, but as I only have myself, Jon Lee and Daniel Turner to choose from, I had to scrap that idea.

Phwooooaaarrrr!!!

Come and get me girls!

Wanna see my stunner?

So, with so many Saturn themed cyber-hunks to choose from, where do I start? I think it would be prudent to select from Saturn exclusives, but obviously it can't be Virtua Cop as that was the source of last month's saucepot... One of the Burning Rangers boys or perhaps one of the guys from the Last Bronx posse? One of the male crew from the Deep Fear submarine? NiGHTs? Is she even a guy or is he actually a girl?
Read more...

Sega Saturn Saucepot Of The Month... September 2017

Now I did say to myself that in terms of Saturn blogging, this time around, that I was going to stay on-topic. When I look back at former posts from years ago, I realise that a lot of them were penned whilst I was somewhat inebriated. I'd wander off topic, try in vain to be witty, erudite, current or controversial. On several occasions, I'd just recourse to squeezing in a picture of some tenuously linked, scantily clad, cos-play babe or software promotion glamour model, when my creative juices had begun to dry up and my article or review had just begun to fizzle out like a damp squib...

So I was slightly dubious about including this feature. As of September 2017, as the onomatopoeic title suggests, we'll be bringing you a piece of Saturn related eye candy for you to drool over on a monthly basis. As we're nearly into October, it will allow me to knock off two cheap posts in rapid succession over the next few days. Whilst the Dreamcast Junkyard can promise both quantity and quality, the Saturn Junkyard can only hope to aspire to the former...

It being 2017, we'll attempt to ensure that all genders, sexualities and tastes are catered for.
There will be both male, female and occasional gender neutral pin ups, but nothing so saucy that it would cause you to feel awkward in front of your parents.

So, to launch this particular feature, we present the lovely Janet from Virtua Cop. According to the VCPD website, Janet Marshall (28) is a "newly installed special VCPD detective in the Virtua Cop special investigations squad (although the only female cop in the squad), Janet fights for her deceased partner". In her spare time, Janet is known to race Hornet supercars against professional drivers, at her local 'dinosaur themed' race track, where she once gave the unwittingly sexist starting announcer a good 'ear bashing', for only telling the gentlemen to "start (their) engines!" Janet also likes to keep fit by practising mixed martial arts against many different local combatants, and even claims to have once taken on her own racing car in a particularly taxing bout, although we wonder if the feisty rookie cop may have been pulling our leg! Janet also finds time to support a charity called 'Virtua Fighter Kids' that works with unfortunate children suffering from brain edema (or intracranial pressure, caused by a swelling of the head) resulting from being introduced into the  competitive world of mixed martial arts too early... She's obviously a 'virtua' cop with 'real' heart? However, one thing we can all agree on is that we wouldn't mind Janet taking down our particulars, as part of a VCPD investigation or otherwise!