Monday, 1 April 2019

Top Reasons Saturn is Awesome (and Earth Can Eat Shit)

Here are just a few of the many reasons why Saturn is the best damn planet in the solar system...

It's roundish.

Even flat Earthers can fucking believe that Saturn is round. It's also slightly squished and is not a symmetrical sphere which makes it way more interesting.

All those fucking moons, man.

Saturn has 62 moons, which is 62 times more than Earth's one shitty moon. Also, how woefully uncreative is it that we just refer to our only moon as "Moon"? Fucking pathetic. Meanwhile Saturn's largest moon, Titan -- named after the mega-popular Saturn Junkyard TitanCast podcast --  is larger than some entire planets, including Mercury and Pluto.

It's made largely of hydrogen and helium.

Sure, Earth has all of its rocks and nitrogen and oxygen and other boring bullshit. But try hanging out on Saturn for a while and you'll start to talk like one of those green aliens from Toy Story. That's way cooler. It's the claaaaaaaaw, motherfuckers.

The bling.

Saturn's got all those kickass ice rings hanging around it. You know what Earth has? A bunch of lame shit like decommissioned satellite debris, global warming, and Nazis.

No time for your crap.

The average day on Saturn is 10 hours and 39 minutes long. That's efficiency.


Every war in the history of our solar system has happened on Earth. Fuck Earth.

In sum, the Earth is dumb. Everyone should move to Saturn.

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